1. I will make you to take off your shoes in my house. So keep your feet fresh and/or wear socks. And never, ever try to get on the bed with your shoes on.
2. I like to use chopsticks in new and interesting ways. Having
been taught to use chopsticks before I learned to speak, I consider
them to be the best utensils. I don't understand why anyone would eat
Flaming Hot Cheetos without chopsticks (keeps the Cheetos dust from
getting on the fingers).
3. Don't assume I know how to speak fill-in-the-blank-Asian language. I
didn't necessarily grow up speaking any language other than English.
And don't ask me what that sign says because I probably don't know.
4. But I most likely do know how to speak a language other than English. At, like, preschool-level proficiency.
5. I'll expect you to pick up a few words of said language if you don't know it already. How else are we supposed to talk about other people in public?
6. My parents programmed every second of my life before it was cool for parents to do that. I
yawned my way through weeknights with a tutor or at a prep program, and
I spent my Saturdays at Korean school hating life while learning how to
be a better Korean.
7. I know how to play an instrument. See above.
8. Doesn't matter who's with me, when I'm eating out, I'm going to reach for the check first.
That's just how I grew up. With parents and aunts and uncles getting
into physical altercations over who gets to pay for dinner. You'll never
be able to get to the check faster than I can!
9. My parents will immediately reject you as a suitor.
In fact, they'll probably continue trying to set me up with their
friends' sons. "You're not married to this so-called boyfriend of yours
yet — what's the big deal?"
10. You should eat what my parents made for you. They might not think you're husband material (yet), but they will like you more if you eat.
11. Actually, just be willing to eat everything when you're around me. Please don't ever wrinkle your nose at my food. Or else, bye.
12. I want you to drink the tea.
It isn't there for fun. It cuts through dim sum grease! Pro-tip: Refill
everyone else's cup before your own, going from oldest to youngest. If
you pour tea for yourself before my Yeh Yeh, you will be judged
accordingly.
